Saturday, May 24, 2008
big seven year old man
i love you
Monday, May 19, 2008 conversations that i have had today have been more important and special to me than any i've had in a long time
not so much what they were about, nothing important, but i guess thats the point. the fact that we spoke like that, about ordinary everyday things for 40 minutes and it was never awkward or strange, or stressed or forced, it was natural and calm and flowed like normal
and that was what mattered posted by littlefaeriegirl | Monday, May 19, 2008
wanna see something scary?
posted by littlefaeriegirl |
Monday, May 19, 2008Sunday, May 18, 2008 x has just informed me, so, just incase you didnt know
jennifer aniston is famous posted by littlefaeriegirl | Sunday, May 18, 2008
square eyes
i wonder if in the days before television, parents would tell their kids they'd get square eyes from reading too much? i doubt it.
in the last week i have read the poisonwood bible by barbara kingsolver, abandoned by anya peters, and the princess bride by s. morgenstern (abridged by william goldman version). next i'll be reading cloud atlas by david mitchell. basically, thats all i've been doing.
i've fallen into a kind of routine that isnt very...friendly? well, theres not room for friends, anyway. depending on the week, i wake up, grab my tea cup, turn on my computer on the way to the toilet, put my cup in the hall way, go to the toilet, grab my cup, go to the kitchen, make tea, return to bedroom. by then, my computer is ready to go. i check my emails (none, and spam. fantastic), open up all the blogs etc that i check, read those. during this time i drink my tea, and then i go back to bed.
i grab my ds and play animal crossing until my eyes close and i fall asleep. depending on whether i've shaken all the trees, when i wake up i will either continue playing or grab a book. it is warm in bed, and comfortable...and comforting. when i feel i have nothing to do, or...well, nothing, i can just close my eyes and burrow deeper and hope that when i wake up, things are brighter. instead, more often than not, when i wake up it is darker, both inside and out. i've successfully wasted another day, gone a whole day without speaking to a person (and really, telling a cat to get out of the way isnt exactly a conversation anyway), and pretty soon its time to turn the lights off and do it all again.
i could be handling this differently. "i think comfort at the bottom of a bottle is in order for my depression. that and bad music". i know a couple of people who have done it, or are doing it, this way. and maybe thats, in a way, healthier because at least they're out, seeing people, breathing outside air, talking, moving.
i was trying to decide if i should do that or not last night. i could have. i had invitations. but i would have been doing it on my own, and thats not something i can do at the moment.
im not sure how i managed when i first started going out. i guess it was different then. turning up to a pub by myself wasnt that bad because i knew that sooner or later, 10 or so people that i knew would be there. but now i just dont know. its a whole new crowd. its younger, and its different, and there are less of us.
now it seems safer to stay home in bed, read books, and look at the same internet pages over and over until my eyes are almost bleeding so im hopeful that sleep might actually come when i close them
i burned my hand on friday. it really hurt. i was filling my tea cup from an electric urn on the wall in the council chambers, and the water hit the bottom of the cup, and bounced back up and over my hand.
i needed a bandage
i took it off today to have a look. it only hurts sometimes, something between and ache and a sting. its not as big as i thought, but the skin is yucky and dry and has started to peel and thats quite quite gross
thankfully, you dont really need massive mobility in your hands to play the glockenspiel. ben and i have been asked to play at the ed castle on friday night, supporting bing goes to monaco. i know nothing more than that, but if and when i find out, i'll let you know posted by littlefaeriegirl | Sunday, May 18, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
could it be? the reason banjo is such a people cat is that she is, actually, people?
when i saw her with the wand, i couldnt help but wonder...
Thursday, May 15, 2008 my phone and how much i hate it
it was good when i first got it. a novelty to be able to take photos, and yay! the prospect of having cool songs on my phone. like a walkman, without the tapes and headphones! how cool
in reality tho, it holds no songs, except the beginning of all my loving my jim sturgess (not that im complaining about that) and the photos are pretty shit
BUT
thats not even what im complaining about
first, this happens
*artists impression
big annoying crack in the screen, and now, when people call me, i dont know who it is! stupid phone says 'call' not whos calling, not even the number. which is shit, because what if someone calls me that i dont want to speak to? how will i know? but mostly, since im always missing calls, i dont know who it is that calls me cos it doesnt record the caller id. the last time this happened was a couple of hours ago, so, if it was you who called me, call again
and, in future, if you call and i dont answer, message me, or i just wont know, and thats sad posted by littlefaeriegirl | Thursday, May 15, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008 why living down here is so good
apart from the fact that i can go to school/the shops in pretty much any clothes i want, be that pyjamas or daggy baggy tracksuit, its also amusing to walk through a shopping centre, witness a 10ish year old boy being dragged along by a parental figure, screaming 'let me go! put me on welfare' over and over again its also amusing to look at the people around who, who arent gasping in horror, but laughing and thinking, 'sucks to be you old man' or 'if you were mine you would have been in welfare years ago', or, the one i imagine people were thinking most 'oh, im so glad thats not my child' posted by littlefaeriegirl | Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008 its about time
its been almost two years, but i've finally made an actual start on my photos from france. its hard. i dont really want to think about them, or how i was feeling, or what i was doing when i was taking them. even though a lot of those times were happy, some of them were sad.
i wish i took one last photo of tom by himself, as i left him at the airport
the last photo i have is this one
i stopped taking them when we started crying posted by littlefaeriegirl | Monday, May 12, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008 mother's day
today i swept, vacuumed and washed the floors.
but before that, i got these
posted by littlefaeriegirl |
Sunday, May 11, 2008Saturday, May 10, 2008 new words i have learned today
laguar - like a jaguar, but a loser. hence the l. this applies to people who have long nails
lerson - like a person, but a loser. hence the l
le* - like e, but a loser. hence the l
are we sensing a pattern here? posted by littlefaeriegirl | Saturday, May 10, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008 e: can i go bike riding?
me: yes, out the back
e: but there's no space there
me: i dont care. out the back
e: why cant i go out the front?
me: because i dont know who else is out there. people might take you
e: no they wont. and even if they say come with me i'll just say no
me: they might not ask you, they'll just take you
e: yeah, well i'll just bite them. and even if they say im feral i wont care
x: hey mum, guess what?
me: what?
x: we're getting a new kid in our class
me: cool
x: his name is noah
me: cool
e: does he wear white shoes?
x: ...... i dont know posted by littlefaeriegirl | Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Sunday, May 04, 2008 at some point i am going to comment about this post, but right now, i'd just like you to read it posted by littlefaeriegirl | Sunday, May 04, 2008
The books listed below are "the top 106 books most often marked as 'unread' by LibraryThing’s users."
Bold the ones you've read, underline the ones you read for school, italicise the ones you started but didn't finish, asterix the ones you actually own but haven’t read.
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick*
Ulysses*
Madame Bovary*
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace*
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula*
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake : a novel
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers posted by littlefaeriegirl | Sunday, May 04, 2008
Thursday, May 01, 2008 tell me...what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
awake again. i'll be at work in just under 8 hours. i dont see myself sleeping for more than 4 of them. so far, i've thought about finishing my dishes. perhaps clearing off the kitchen table, or hanging out the washing thats still in the machine. but all of those things are cold, so instead i made myself a cup of hot chocolate, i emailed people i shouldnt, and i wrote songs
a little out of luck
and its bang and you're all there, staring and smiling
fake smiles that dont quite hide all that you're thinking
she doesnt belong here
she cheats and she lies
she shouldnt be here
pretending not to hide
its all a front and its crumbling down
she's trying to have fun while they're swarming around
ready to pounce and they do and shes gone
she can only fight for so long
sooner or later she wont even know
the reason for crying, wanting to be home
instead its fake smiles for a different crowd
till blankets and memory hold her down
trusting me with maths
i was never good at remembering the rules
you and me and then theres three
and ive forgotten how to use the tools
i failed the first test
then one week later
trusting me with maths to be the money taker
i dont know if i can do this
ticking you all off that list
i was never good at those thinking lessons
always better in pretending sessions
should i use it as a practice piece?
you can be the princess and i'll be the beast
trying her hardest to fit in
do the job right
add it all up
dont start a fight
dont spill that cup
i dont wish for things to get heated
but i dont think i was the only one who cheated
when your memory plays tricks on you
wishing that the words i spoke came out in invisible ink
or even that before i spoke i took some time to think
remember that you loved me once
imagine how hard this must be
heart and words are trapped tween my teeth
looking up from down here you seem so far away
then i remember its been more than yesterday
remember that you loved me once
third times a charm
but i see nothing but harm
from putting us back together
there used to be a time when i would bet that we
would weather all kinds of weather
remember that you loved me once
remember it was longer than just one day
remember that you loved me once
and i'll try and remember you that way
ben, hop to it posted by littlefaeriegirl | Thursday, May 01, 2008
